AF Day 187

FOB Smart at 1200 - Thursday

This day started early enough and normal enough. Breakfast was light and filled with good conversation. Workers for my FOB project were here on time and progressing with their day's requirements. We completed minor outside-the-wire observation of nearby walls and pending openings at another project site. I met with several contractors and later with several military counterparts. All in all, it has been a great start to an otherwise routine Thursday.

I spoke with my boy earlier this morning before he was going to bed. We are both very excited to see one another in less than 28 days now. I suppose I comment on this so regularly because he means everything and more to me. Spending Christmas with him is the only thing I want for Christmas!

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 186

FOB Smart at 1730 - Wednesday

Two back-to-back missions this afternoon to observe progress on eight projects. Some workers have returned from their holiday and some have not yet. Work that has resumed appeared between acceptable and regrettable. With winter fast approaching, these next six weeks or so will be the fast break period before next spring, which is when they rush to finish critical concrete work before it freezes and affects the curing process.

I have roughly 29 days until I hold my son in my arms again. The days are flying by here in Afghanistan! I am so looking forward to Christmas this year in particular. Kaesen and I will meet up with all four of my parents and several of my siblings. I can already taste the Christmas meals!

Tonight is shaping up to be a chill night for me. I plan to read a few hundred pages of a new book I am reading. Maybe it will include a nice, hot shower, and definitely a nice, hot meal in a few minutes. I wonder what tomorrow will hold...

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 185

FOB Smart at 0500 - Tuesday

I am "up and at 'em" earlier today than I have been regularly since August before my first R&R. It feels good to be awake before the sunrise, although I should say that since I have not been awake quite this early recently and since the weather has really changed dramatically in the last five or six weeks, the chilly morning air caught me off guard today. I was even wearing one of my military fleece jackets and felt cold. I think it is coffee time and I will head to our DFAC soon to satisfy my caffeine fix.

Kaesen and I spoke before I went to bed, well - before he went to school, last night. He sounded happy and thoughtfully reminded me that we would be seeing each other this morning (my Tuesday), which will be his tonight (Monday night), during a Skype call. He is a smart little boy for certain. Little does he know, but I have been completing some early Christmas shopping for him online, figuring that since I was awake, I should also be productive with my newfound time. He'll be happy to see, among other gifts from his mother and I, a Radio Flyer wheelbarrow, a garden tool set, a tool workstation (just like his daddy's but for little boys from Toys R Us), and some other fun things he shared with us on his first-ever Christmas wish list! I am so excited for him.

I have missions planned for later in the week, but today is loosely set aside for more paperwork processing, new project setup, etc. One of my direct coworkers, TSgt John Morgan, USAF is leaving this morning to fly to Kandahar Airfield, then off and away on his R&R back home to see his beautiful wife and sons. We are all thrilled for him and cannot wait to hear how much fun he is having with them. We may play some soccer again this evening out on the helipad; yesterday John Morgan and I did so with our Afghan friends who live on the FOB and provide certain security services. Today will be an awesome day no matter the outcome!

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 184

FOB Smart at 1100 - Monday

Mornings here have become a cherished time for me. I spoke with my son on the telephone and then a few moments ago via Skype. All is good and right in my world once again. Kaesen is such a handsome little boy. his hair is so blond and curly. I am so very thankful for him.

My workers are not on their jobs today as they should be. I am uncertain why this is so and will begin calling and emailing them shortly. The weather is mostly clear out, although we had a terrific amount of rain overnight, so this could be the jobs are silent.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 183 - II

FOB Smart at 2230 - Sunday

What shapes our thoughts more than passion? My passion, albeit as a result of the ever-present events transforming around me, is never without end.

In one swift moment they were gone, in an instant his life had changed forever, dramatically, sadly, and without end. Loss was known before, but not to this end nor to this magnitude. Their eyes, forever blind to his passion now, would see not the greatest triumph possible after all. Their breath, now forever bated and withdrawn as though the wind swept away everything right and good in the world, will warm his heart no more. Legacies now indelibly altered as though whispers of sunlight now traded for the shadows of the midnight stars. Walking on in solitude, he forced each step to satisfy the demands of living alone, without them, without their heartbeats, and without the love they once shared. At the path’s end, the end where no light of love shines through the cold, miserable darkness, a stark reality lives on ad infinitum. Reality presupposes an understanding long forgotten and sharply misshapen by the weathering of his life long-lived in excruciating agony. Reality suggests that within the monotonous formations associated with the loneliness prescribed by loss were once, if only briefly, supplicated hands outstretched and grateful for the tender touch shared so lovingly so very long ago. A world without end continues every single day.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 183

FOB Smart at 1430 - Sunday

I spoke with my son last night for quite a long time. He is growing so fast in my physical absence from him. He is changing and becoming a new personality. I miss him dearly. He is everything and more to me.

FOB Smart is quiet today. The sun is back out and shining. I have no missions today. I do have a mountain of paperwork tasks to climb. Such is my life, for today anyway, and I am grateful for every breath of it here. We had an 82nd Airborne brass quintet play for us during dinner in our DFAC last night. The PRT is in a high mode of R&R these days. Spirits are very high these days as a result.

We are moving forward with several new plans for improving the transition of program management here in Afghanistan. Locally, this includes more partnering and mentoring of local officials and construction personnel. It may include more one-on-one mentoring with some Afghans and has the prospect, again, of really making a difference here in terms of sharing the knowledge of practices and procedures necessary to ensure longer term success when the day comes that Afghans will fully support their own construction initiatives and need our expertise no more. These are exciting times for me. Nation building, specifically human capacity development, takes on a completely new and more purposeful meaning now.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 182

FOB Smart at 1300 - Saturday

Kaesen was long since asleep when I spoke with his momma earlier this morning, which was Friday night there where they were at the time. She told me that my son had been eager to speak with me when they called, but I was out briefly and missed him. She told me that he is constantly informing her that he would like to speak with his daddy and that he intended to speak with me longer than the last time we spoke. This warms my soul. He is my special little son who means more to me every day I breathe.

The sun is out shining and sharing its warmth throughout the land here in Qalat. We have completed so many missions in my brief time here. It is nice to reflect back and realize the progress we have made in this time. We have much work left to be completed over the course of my remaining less-than six months.

It appears that many of my projects are finally resuming construction after what seemed an inordinate amount of time celebrating their Eid holiday. Who I am I to be dismayed for we enjoy a little time off every now and then just the same as our Afghan brethren. I am eager for the winter to arrive and blanket Zabul Province with snow and freezing rains. The landscape will be so green come spring.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 181 - Veterans Day

FOB Smart at 1630 - Friday

Fridays are the holy day where most Muslims are most prayerful, attend worship services, and spend time away from working and with their families. Fridays are thus slower than any of the other six days in each week and are naturally more relaxed here at FOB Smart. Today began with more rain and later finished with warming and drying sunshine. The wind has a distinct chill attached thereupon and the fragrant smells of nearby dinners cooking cause me to think of home, to think of Thanksgiving even though it is still quite far off, and to appreciate fall a little more.

I suspect that some of the workers on some of my projects that I manage will return to their laboring tomorrow. Although recent rains will have surely made their worksites muddy and slow their pace a bit. I look forward to visiting my jobs regularly again, especially now that there may only be another 30 to 45 days remaining before principal construction is forced to a stop during our winter months. Concrete construction will certainly stop before the first freeze. Concrete must cure well before being subjected to a freeze, as the remaining water will expand, then contract, and cause premature deterioration in the concrete and weaken whatever structure it supports.

I am still counting the days until I see my son again, until the following R&R thereafter, and even until I return permanently next May or June. Life is definitely moving at the speed of this deployment for me right now. I look forward to the bright future ahead of me.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 180

FOB Smart at 1930 - Thursday

Rain, rain all day long! This morning we awoke to even more overnight rain, which increased the muddy condition all over our forward operating base. I am honesty appreciative of this weather, although I would not want to live in such year round, like the Pacific Northwest.

We completed a long foot patrol this afternoon through all of Old Qalat City. We had a news crew with us; I was interviewed and several of my coworkers were as well. The patrol was uneventful, thankfully, and I was able to see much of the old city and my surrounding projects in the rain. This was a new experience for me. The streets, where not paved, were a boggy mess and when downhill during the patrol, made for slippery slopes that required finesse to ensure we did not upend and slide in the mess. What made the conditions worse were the constant outflows of urine and fecal matter, which is a constant occurrence from peoples exterior walls to the open ditches common to this area of Afghanistan. Anyway, it was a great mission and fun to be out in the messy rain.

Tomorrow we have a onetime return of "Any Hat Friday," where we are able to wear, literally, any hat we choose, so we are all excited and ready. I will, of course, be wearing one of my golf hats, a familiar trademark hat for me many of you have come to know.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 179

FOB Smart at 1930 - Wednesday

The days begin normally enough here... for me, that includes the subtle chiming of my phone, acting as an alarm clock, bringing me quickly from slumber to wonder at the speed of sound. Today was no different for me, although I had business to complete fairly early. I had two comrades here from another FOB who were travelling through to another FOB north of us. We exchanged pleasantries and I helped them to our helipad in time to make their helicopter flight. What made my day brighter was the return of Capt Jonathan Ball, USAF whom I have come to admire and respect immensely. He is our senior engineer and my direct supervisor. It was a surprise to see him a day early and we are all very happy to have in back in our midst.

The day trotted by with a little paperwork for this and that, a few impromptu meetings, and preparations for more meetings and missions beyond. The weather was nice today, including the rain all last night and this morning. We saw the FOB turn from dry desert to muddy puddles instantly, with rivulets forming throughout our uncommon concrete paved walks and drives, and I was the only one with, and using, an umbrella! Go figure, the USACE guy from North Dakota pulls out the rain gear so early.

I spoke with my son this morning, which was his last night. He seemed and sounded wonderful. With less than 36 days until we see one another again in Seattle, I am eagerly anticipating this second reunion in six months since I left for Afghanistan.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 178

FOB Smart at 2030 - Tuesday

Good day. Good work. Good people. Good stuff...

It has rained on and off today. The Eid holiday is coming to an end. Work with the locals will likely resume in two more days. All seems well and right tonight.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

Special Post No. 064

These were previously awarded, although the Civilian of the Month was not delivered until now. I thought to share them here, so that my son, Kaesen, could be happy to see these someday.

AF Day 177

FOB Smart at 2215 - Monday

Monday night and the week has already restarted and work have once more renewed. It is still the time of the Afghan Eid holiday, so no work will be performed again until maybe Thursday. This means more paperwork and catching up, but I am not complaining.

Today I completed an MCP into south Qalat to perform a site assessment on a potential project. We had fun walking across hills and ravines, or wadis, and enjoyed the barren desert scenery offered. The traffic along the main highway was light and even less people were around, although we were outside the city limits and did not expect too many people out there anyway. Maybe we'll get the chance to perform more of these site assessments. I like them especially since they are quite similar to what I did before I came to work for the US Army Corps of Engineers and feel very comfortable performing them.

I spoke with my son this evening, which was his early morning, and loved the way he said goodbye. I love the way he says everything anyway, but today's was especially warm and loving to me. I have less than 38 days until I see him again!

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 176 - II

FOB Smart at 2300 - Sunday

Part II

Time is something we all have in common. We live for time, we die when we run out of time, and we fancy time in every aspect of our lives. Time is at once measured and immeasurable. You know how much time we waste wishing we had just a little more time? Hint: A lot, and so much so that time seems to fade away after those moments keep ticking by while we unintentionally keep track of the time it takes to get more time.

I want more time for this and that or for a special occasion, or even a frivolous moment. Time is our friend and it is often our greatest hindrance. I like time because it is a constant reminder to me of how much I need or want. I love time because it causes me to pause, time causing pausing - yes, it does for me, and for you and you and you... Sometimes I wish time would run out, not on me or for something I hold dear. Rather, for time to run out on a brief moment, or a dramatically, breathtakingly, and excruciatingly dreadful period of time so much so that the very appearance of continuing forward, if only right this second, takes more time than I think my tiny life can bear.

Now, we have a lot of time or a little time, and often we have time to spare, but time is everything, isn't it? Time, to me, is the very essence of my life. It makes me move or walk or run. Time is the way by which we measure the effect of one's worth. What is a second worth? A minute is hardly anything to waste time writing or reading, but a minute with my son is worth a thousand years and a thousand lifetimes of a thousand years. A second is the amount of time it takes for my son to say, "I love you, Daddy." A year is the amount of time I have volunteered to give my time to those whom I know need my time more than I. Four years is the amount of time I have had to-date with my beautiful son. And I expect another endless amount of time to share every moment of my life with him.

For now, time is on my side. The time it takes to read this is the same it takes to know how very much I love my son. It would take 10,000,000 times longer to explain why I love him, for every moment I have had with my son is worth more than my own life, more than the life I could, or should, or would have if anything else mattered in this world more than him to me.

I bide my time here and everywhere so that one day, sooner rather than later, I can spend more time with my son, Kaesen.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 176

FOB Smart at 2030 - Sunday

Far out and faraway compare nothing to up-close and personal when dealing with jackasses and jackrabbits! We have some of both in the midst everywhere we walk through life. Comfortably dealing with jackasses involves a little finesse and a little patience. Jackrabbits you can simply shoot and be done with them if they pester, fester, or you bore of their lackluster ways. I love jackrabbits though, so I would never tire of their beauty, their poise, or their grace. Jackasses, well they are simply jackasses.

I had a long MCP mission today that was planned for about an hour. I just returned. it was interesting in that I had never been on an MCP at night before. Your whole perspective changes here when it is dark out. I watched a sunset from a very wonderful vantage point this evening. It was magnificent in every way and, as mentioned before, I was reminded again how similar the environment is here compared to southern or central Arizona. I really miss Arizona!

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 175

FOB Smart at 2100 - Saturday

Wow! What a crazy day... and that puts it as mildly as one can imagine. All the rest is water under the bridge when, at the end of your day, you can say it is all good. I have 40 more days until I see my son again! I am so excited. Y'all, it is all good!

Tomorrow holds nothing more than what today and yesterday held and I am telling you right now, it is exciting, "exciting," and truly an honor to be here, right now, experiencing Afghanistan the way I have over the last six months. Who knows what is in store down the road... and I love it, usually, that way.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 174

FOB Smart at 1630 - Friday

It is Friday morning back home and Friday late-afternoon here in Qalat, Afghanistan. I often wonder what you many souls I know and do not know are doing, thinking, or enjoying inversely to me. My son likes to ask the same question nearly every time that we speak. He says, "Daddy, it is daytime here. Is it nighttime there?" I find this extremely funny. He is so much like me and he does not even know it yet and even when he does realize this, it will still take years to figure out why!

I walked the mile for the smile at last and found the past within my reach. I called your name in the game and found that familiar flame before the same fluttered out beyond my speech. I went the distance before my persistence faded and my memories traded and called out in the night for you. I fear not the past for the half-mast of the sails searching for another wind found freedom again and are unlikely to set loose upon anything other than truth.

Today has been a rather lackluster day. Not for anything in particular, other than the weather, while much cooler, has been more overcast or heavily cloudy than the usual bright and full of sunshine skies we enjoy. The work set forth at the morning's onset has been completed and checked. You know, sometimes working seven days a week gets a little long in the tooth; however, you would be hard pressed to find someone to complain of this fact. In fact, the regularity is at once comforting and exhausting, which I believe gives the appearance of time moving by quickly.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 173

FOB Smart at 2130 - Thursday

I have 42.10 days until I am with my son again for my R&R. I am looking forward to him running up to me, to his hugging me, and my holding him for what I wish would be an eternity. He is a special boy. He is my special boy!

Thursdays are "Mongolian BBQ Night" at our FOB DFAC. I had a ham sandwich, not because I do not like Mongolian, but because thin feels better than food tastes! I skipped lunch, not intentionally rather because I was writing away on some project requirements and before I knew it dinnertime had already arrived... and nearly passed.

Tomorrow may hold something spectacular. Well today did, and you know, everyday does . I woke up and realized that I have a beautiful son, I have a beautiful family, I have beautiful friends all over the world, and that life is beautiful. Even with the obstacles placed before us, life is beyond amazing. Anyway, it was another normal day and tomorrow will be, too. Pretty amazing...

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 172 - II

FOB Smart at 2130 - Wednesday

Happy Birthday to my dear father. I wish I could be there today to take him to Tee Pee Mexican for lunch, or have a beer with him, or hang out with him at home and enjoy a good conversation. Alas, I cannot this year... I spoke with him earlier on the phone and wished him well. I miss him, especially today on his birthday. 1943 and all of the goodness he inherited from Texas is still right there within him! Happy Birthday, Pop.

My work day went rather well today, save for the usual nonsense we often have to put up with in order to be blessed with the honor and privilege of being here in this magnificent land. Life is slowing down here every day fall creeps and continues forward. The chill in the air is evident morning and night and the days have really become beautiful. All we need here are some fall tree colors and a little more rain.

Kaesen is on his way to Seattle for a professional soccer game with his momma and our good friend, Ellen and her baby son tonight after school. He was explaining to me, on his way to school earlier, that he was reviewing a catalog for toys that he could get for himself and his "baby." Funny, I have been looking for toys for Kaesen too.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

AF Day 172

FOB Smart at 0030 – Wednesday

One of the most profound feelings that a person can experience in life is loss. Loss is the ultimate pain and the ultimate factor and turning point in one's life. So is love, granted, but loss in love is undoubtedly more powerful in the end of a marriage or relationship than the love was in the beginning. The lasting effects of loss seem more powerful than anything when the loss is fresh. Over time, the freshness wears and wanes, the memories soften and begin to fade, and then one day out of the blue, or for some it is finitely gradual, the reality of loss changes from immense pain to yet another memory. The time in between the freshness and painfulness of loss and the memory it eventually creates seems to take forever when one is experiencing it... fortunately, the reality is always different. The singular perspective of loss and having lost so much is at times unbearable, unthinkable, and altogether wrenching to the soul - to my soul.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.