Central Arizona around midnight - Wednesday
Kaesen was asleep beside me, that is until I decided to extricate myself from bed and head into another room to turn the lights on and broadcast a little. Weighing on my mind heavily these days are the thoughts of reintegrating into the private sector, leaving federal service and the US Army Corps of Engineers, and ultimately my very happiness and security and the same of such for my beautiful son.
Many of you may not realize it or remember it, but I deployed with the US Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) on 8 May 2011 (Mother's Day) last year. I had one week of training and spin-up at the USACE Deployment Center, or UDC, in Winchester, Virginia, and then I was off to the races. I arrived in Afghanistan on 15 May 2011 and at FOB Smart in Qalat on 17 May 2011. The reasons for deploying were originally very clear to me. One, serve my country again. Two, serve my USACE district in their need for volunteers (at the time I was the only volunteer; more have since deployed and returned). Finally, the third reason was to serve my family.
Starting a new chapter in the great book of my life is my plan. Well, for me it is as though I am starting an entirely new life. I lost 100 pounds in Afghanistan. I lost sanity, inner security, inner peace, and much other life-supporting and important goodness, but I did not lose "me" and I damn sure did not lose my son! My son is such a gift - he is an amazing boy and he loves ME! A little healthy balance is needed now - and we will get that balance back. Life for me is about to skyrocket.
I begin a new job with an old employer, Fulcrum, in Seattle next month. A new home, new office, new (to me) motorcycle, new city, new state, and all is about to appear new - new - new! My son is excited because I intentionally set it up for success and have related our upcoming life changes to him enthusiastically. I am going to Seattle for change, for growth, for success, and for happiness. I will have all of this and more - and so will my son. I believe that I am centered and secure inside with regard to my son and his opportunities ahead.
A few weeks ago I suggested that I would add a blog post to describe the certain experiences in personnel and reality of the danger we face in Afghanistan. I "can" - and maybe I will eventually, but for now, I feel like signing off. Not just for tonight, but for good. I know I have so much to share with regard to the negatives of my experience in Qalat, but I do not believe right now is the best time to hit on the low notes. Terror is amazing in that it instills so much within so many, yet we can and do react to such differently. An expose is not a bad idea, believe me - there is a lot to expose from my perspective, but what good would it do today? Placing people in jeopardy or potentially destroying careers is not my interest - ever. So trust me when I say, it was, at times, really horrible, unsafe, dirty, unhealthy, miserable, scary, terrifying at times, and downright amazing all at the same time.
I hope this war ends soon. We have lost so very many wonderful lives in this war. We have been there for such a very long time. Our lost brothers and sisters gave their lives because they volunteered to serve the greatest nation in the history of mankind. We should honor them by being truthful, being responsible, and having the courage now to say what we have suffered, sacrificed, and honored is enough. Period.
I love you, Kaesen. Some of you may know or not, but "143" is code for "I love you."
143, Kaesen. (I have said this on all regular blog posts from Day One last 8 May 2011)
Good night and good day. (I have said this on all regular blog posts from Day One last 8 May 2011)
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