May 28, 2012 - Final Post II

Normandy Park, Washington (Seattle) at 1230

Kaesen and I drove approximately 1,800 miles beginning last Sunday morning from my Dad's house in Phoenix, Arizona, through Ventura, California, and stayed the first night at the beach. Monday we drove the Pacific Coast Highway north from Ventura all the way to Santa Cruz. The hotel on Monday night had a heated pool and hot tub - so we were stoked and all set! Tuesday morning we woke and drove from Santa Cruz to San Francisco (not a long drive at all) and found a hotel next to Pier 39 on the Embarcadero. We played all day Tuesday into the night, including swimming in another heated pool, and into the next morning. Wednesday we drove north from San Francisco through central California all the way to central Oregon. Wednesday night we stopped in Castle Rock, Oregon, along Interstate 5, at a hotel with another pool and hot tub, only these were indoors! Thursday morning we woke and drove to Centralia, Washington! Here we stayed at the Great Wold Lodge - one word: phenomenal! Thursday and Friday absolutely rocked and capped off the time together in May perfectly. Kaesen is an outstanding son, boy, and perfect carbon copy of his daddy.

Throughout my travels in the last 30+ days of being "home," I have found the most therapeutic healing for my stresses, stressors, and rough past year to be time with my beautiful little boy! Nothing says recovery better than love - and the love of my son and his of me - priceless therapy. Of course the knees and back are still in rough shape; the pain subsides when I soak them for extended periods. I am pushing on and moving on, so it will be good no matter what, friends. This week and next I have to make and complete several appointments relating to personal health. Kaesen needs to see a pediatric opthamologist soon.

I dropped Kaesen off in Montesano, Washington, at his mother's house on Friday afternoon. That was a hard moment for me. Knowing that my life before Afghanistan and during Afghanistan had changed dramatically did not really hit me until that moment. From now on, Kaesen will have two separate homes, two separate sets of lives - but we will do everything in our power to ensure they somehow blend together and become the best ever experience for our son. In about 30 minutes I will drive 45+ minutes to a halfway point between Seattle and Montesano to pick Kaesen up for a couple of weeks. This will be our first "splitting" of weeks and weekends from Seattle. Life is good and can only get better from here.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

May 16, 2012 - Final Post I

Central Arizona around midnight - Wednesday

Kaesen was asleep beside me, that is until I decided to extricate myself from bed and head into another room to turn the lights on and broadcast a little. Weighing on my mind heavily these days are the thoughts of reintegrating into the private sector, leaving federal service and the US Army Corps of Engineers, and ultimately my very happiness and security and the same of such for my beautiful son.

Many of you may not realize it or remember it, but I deployed with the US Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) on 8 May 2011 (Mother's Day) last year. I had one week of training and spin-up at the USACE Deployment Center, or UDC, in Winchester, Virginia, and then I was off to the races. I arrived in Afghanistan on 15 May 2011 and at FOB Smart in Qalat on 17 May 2011. The reasons for deploying were originally very clear to me. One, serve my country again. Two, serve my USACE district in their need for volunteers (at the time I was the only volunteer; more have since deployed and returned). Finally, the third reason was to serve my family.

Starting a new chapter in the great book of my life is my plan. Well, for me it is as though I am starting an entirely new life. I lost 100 pounds in Afghanistan. I lost sanity, inner security, inner peace, and much other life-supporting and important goodness, but I did not lose "me" and I damn sure did not lose my son! My son is such a gift - he is an amazing boy and he loves ME! A little healthy balance is needed now - and we will get that balance back. Life for me is about to skyrocket.

I begin a new job with an old employer, Fulcrum, in Seattle next month. A new home, new office, new (to me) motorcycle, new city, new state, and all is about to appear new - new - new! My son is excited because I intentionally set it up for success and have related our upcoming life changes to him enthusiastically. I am going to Seattle for change, for growth, for success, and for happiness. I will have all of this and more - and so will my son. I believe that I am centered and secure inside with regard to my son and his opportunities ahead.

A few weeks ago I suggested that I would add a blog post to describe the certain experiences in personnel and reality of the danger we face in Afghanistan. I "can" - and maybe I will eventually, but for now, I feel like signing off. Not just for tonight, but for good. I know I have so much to share with regard to the negatives of my experience in Qalat, but I do not believe right now is the best time to hit on the low notes. Terror is amazing in that it instills so much within so many, yet we can and do react to such differently. An expose is not a bad idea, believe me - there is a lot to expose from my perspective, but what good would it do today? Placing people in jeopardy or potentially destroying careers is not my interest - ever. So trust me when I say, it was, at times, really horrible, unsafe, dirty, unhealthy, miserable, scary, terrifying at times, and downright amazing all at the same time.

I hope this war ends soon. We have lost so very many wonderful lives in this war. We have been there for such a very long time. Our lost brothers and sisters gave their lives because they volunteered to serve the greatest nation in the history of mankind. We should honor them by being truthful, being responsible, and having the courage now to say what we have suffered, sacrificed, and honored is enough. Period.

I love you, Kaesen. Some of you may know or not, but "143" is code for "I love you."

143, Kaesen. (I have said this on all regular blog posts from Day One last 8 May 2011)

Good night and good day. (I have said this on all regular blog posts from Day One last 8 May 2011)

May 15, 2012 - Phoenix with Kaesen

Central Arizona at 1730 - Tuesday

Kaesen slept in past 0600 today; I did too. Our routine is shaping into early days and early nights, or maybe it has been this way since I returned and picked him up in Seattle. Breakfast was Norwegians (crepes), cheddar cheese chunk-slices, and ham and provolone cheese sandwiches - with coffee and cold water. Simple yet delicious. After breakfast we waited an "obligatory" hour or more to swim. Kaesen watched the clock the entire time! So did I as a result.

Swimming commenced at 1000 and lasted about an hour. Kaesen, beginning yesterday, is swimming free of a life vest or other flotation device. This gives me so very much pride, as a father and a man, to watch a young boy, my son, go from not swimming to swimming in the blink of an eye! Later in the day we swam again, again sans life vest and now with a new swim mask. Seriously, I know this is cliche, but this kid can swim like the best of us and is fearless. He is only 4-1/2 years old! Anyway, we swam and had a great time today doing so.

This afternoon, after a delicious lunch of leftover feijoada, we went to the eye doctor for Kaesen. Since the exam could not be completed, he is a little too young and not completely ready, we were referred to a pediatric opthamologist. We will try this again in Seattle in a couple of week or more. So for now, all is well and good and his eyes are fine anyway... just a little advice is needed at this point.

This has been another good day of rest, recuperation, relaxing, reintegration, and rejuvenation. I hope for the same for you, too.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

May 14, 2012 - Phoenix with Kaesen

Central Arizona at 1600 - Monday

Our day began around 0530 and has been nonstop ever since. I had my coffee of course and Kaesen his donut and milk. We showered, dressed, and readied ourselves for the day. Kaesen spoke with his momma and I prepared documentation for my first, of many, VA medical appointments. We left my dad's house around 1000 and headed for the VA in downtown Phoenix. Along the way Kaesen suggested that he was hungry - go figure, he does have a ferocious appetite at times. We stopped for oatmeal and a toy from McDonald's and all was right.

We arrived at the VA medical center close to 1100 and were seen relatively quickly an hour or less later. Two more quick appointments after that and we were on our way home for swimming. Kaesen, and I, decided today he'd swim sans life vest - and he did it! Wow, I mean he really did it and he listened to Dad. He has all the swim basics down and we'll work the remainder of the early summer until he starts YMCA swim lessons on learning to swim. He even flipped off the deep end side of the pool for over an hour, swam across the deep end, and swam nearly the length of the pool unassisted. We are so excited! He is amazed with himself as much as I am. I sent video to his momma so she could share in the fun, excitement, and pride.

Kaesen is excited for Goppie and Vovo to come home so he can show them live and in person his newly acquired swimming and flipping with no life vest skills. I would be stoked to display this too; I am sure I did the same in fact. What an amazing time it must be for Kaesen. It is exciting to learn at any age, but for a 4 year-old to suddenly start swimming unaided, well that's got to be high on a list of fun things that he accomplished today.

It might be a little on the late side of the afternoon to nap, so we are going to "relax" in the living room with a movie and a blanket and see how long we can keep our eyes open! What a great day and it is barely half over.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

May 13, 2012 - Mother's Day - II

Central Arizona at 1830 - Sunday

Alright, Mother's Day and its usual requirements, for me, is fulfilled now. I just spoke with my momma, she returned my call and I called her back! Dallas was busy with activity and good news for the Panchalk family. Congratulations, Momma. We thought we would get together this July in Dallas; now it is looking more like August in Gulf Shores! We talked about my pending trip through California to Seattle; Momma had a great suggestion for a stop near San Francisco.

This day is still burning, although the pool water seems a little too chilly for Kaesen and I to jump back in for a swim. A warm bath might do the trick and we'd surely be warmer for it too. The high was over 100 today; I love the Desert Southwest for this and more. Summer has surely come in quickly here - likely in Afghanistan too.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

May 13, 2012 - Mother's Day

Central Arizona at 1700 - Sunday

We woke early today - again. Kaesen was all sunshine and smiles, as usual, and we started with donuts, coffee, and good humor. I love waking up this way. The day has been grand, we called with my momma, and left her a message via voicemail. Kaesen spoke with his momma, too. We spent the day with Goppie and Vovo, half of his paternal grandparents, including swimming in the now-warm-enough pool and cooking feijoada. We ate about two hours ago - talk about delicious!

Mother's Day means, to me and to Kaesen, remembering how lucky we are to have our momma's. My momma has always been there for me. Kaesen's momma has been there always for him, too. What luck we have in this world to have such wonderful mothers, and fathers, and to be able to tell them how much they mean to us. Momma, I love you - Happy Mother's Day. Viviane, I love you - Happy Mother's Day. If Kaesen could type now, he would say, "Momma, Happy Mother's Day!"

The week behind us has been another one filled with family, friends, and love. We look forward to two more weeks of the same as we make our way, albeit slowly, to Seattle. Kaesen and I both have doctor appointments this week ahead. The remainder of this day will include relaxing, lounging, low-stress, and lots of hugs and kisses for Kaesen.

Again, Happy Mother's Day!

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

May 12, 2012 - Phoenix with Kaesen

Central Arizona at 1900 - Saturday

Kaesen and I had a wonderful day. We are having a relaxing, and warm, weekend!

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.

May 11, 2012 - Phoenix with Kaesen

Central Arizona at 2300 - Friday

Kaesen and I returned to the Valley of the Sun. All is well and the weather is beautiful.

143, Kaesen.

Good night and good day.